Treating myself or self sabotage

Having stayed out until midnight and then got home, made some fish fingers and watched Hollyoaks (guilty pleasure in not apologising for), I was quite tired. I didn’t wake up until about 11:30 and then pretty much slept for the rest of the day until about five thirty. 

Now going back to that time of being 15 1/2, my default hiding place was sleep. When I went out on Friday night, I’d thought I’d possibly do my local parkrun on Saturday morning- even if I had to walk it and even considered going back to an Aikido class after 10years. So did I self sabotage at the point of not abandoning the date when I should have, or not setting my alarm or did I just really need the sleep.

The other thing I should have done is go and get my glasses fixed (I sat on them at the chiropractors). By not doing so it’s meant that I haven’t gone on a group walk I could have potentially done on the Sunday. 

Anyway, I got up for Strictly, ordered a pizza and then got a message from a friend who I knew from abou 10-16. She’d send me a picture of it being the anniversary of the release of the Lion King and did I remember going to see it with her and my mum for my 15th birthday. Weirdly I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever of seeing the film in the cinema. 

It was lovely to message this friend for half an hour, she is such a warm giving person who this year has written a blog writing about a moment of happiness every day. As part of this she has bravely faced her fears and come out as being gay and written the most touching post about the support she’s had from friend (there’s that unconditional love thing again). I really admire her for this. It’s really interesting how since she’s done this she’s been less anxious and depressed. She really is a superstar. 

After messaging she said we should meet up, but unfortunately the date is suggested wasn’t convenient. She lives in Oxford and I’m in Leeds so it’s not the most straight forward journey. However chatting to her really made my day, a moment of being a human being not a human doing as a lady on the course would say. 

It inspired me to catch up with my blog. As part of our course we are meant to be journaling, something I’ve struggling to do until this point. I guess when you write it down it becomes real. So here it is, up to date and looking forward, onwards and upwards and curbing the kicking and screaming!


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