It sounds so stupid when you say it out loud…

I started off at site L this morning. I was still pretty miserable, overloaded with work and couldn’t see when it’s going to stop. At this site I share an office with two others whereas at site A I’m in an office on my own. I got talking about the course I’d been on and how I know I need to just not work at home in order to be happier. The two ladies in the office are also overloaded having had their team cut by half in the past year. 

One of the ladies said that she got why I couldn’t just leave the work. It was my reputation, my name that was attached to everything that was either going to be late or not completed, but at the end of the day I just need to leave my laptop at work. 

I found it interesting how the other lady was unknowingly colluding with me-it’s their fault, what should they be doing, what other options have you got. But at the end of the day it’s simple, I need to leave my work at work, but I can’t. Saying this out loud felt pretty stupid. It was like seeing the lady with the water bottle and wanting to shout ‘for goodness sake, just spray it’, but I had that fear. The only way to overcome the fear was to do it. 

So that evening I left my laptop at work. I also took the mini bottle of prosecco I’d been given and had been sitting in my office for a couple of months home. When I got home I shared my successes with our whatsapp group and cracked open the bottle. One lady asked how I was going to be good to myself. I’d signed up to the Leeds Light Night 5km run, but having not run since January when I stopped with shin splints I thought maybe it wasn’t a good idea, instead I could try a local run and get some fresh air as I know when I do it makes me feel better and puts me in a good mood. I could then read the book I’d borrowed for my course. 

However, feeling a bit tired after my glass of prosecco I went to bed for a little nap. It was just before 5 so I’d have time to do those things after…except I woke up at 1:45am!

Maybe I needed the sleep, or was it self sabotage? I’m still not quite sure. I woke up not feeling overly tired which was surprising so maybe it was a good thing. 

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