So I woke up on Monday morning and all I could do was cry. I felt this ridiculously strong sadness that I hadn’t felt since I was 15 1/2. It’s a gut wrenching sadness that I don’t think I’ve felt since, or I don’t remember doing so. It’s a physical pain just above my groin in the pit of my stomach that feels like a really heavy rock. I flip between this and anger that I hold in my shoulders a tension that ricochets inside my body and turns into pain down my arms and tears streaming down my face.
Neither of these emotions have an attachment to anything just a time and space.
I managed to get to work and although highly emotional managed to keep the tears in. I’m sure I’m giving off the f-off vibe. The person that rubs me up the wrong way managed to give me space which I’m very glad of and I got through the day.
When I get home I went to bed and fell asleep, again something I did at that time. I’m scared, I don’t want to be back there and I want this to end but I don’t know if it will. It’s not something I can sustain for long.